The constant comments on my cooking, pantry items, and shopping list really get to me sometimes.
“Ugh, it is all slop! There is nothing good in this entire house. Why can’t anything ever taste right?” – Direct Quote from Sourdough, on any given day, at any given meal.
When your son has sensory issues that include taste, texture and smell, eating is a constant battle – for him and for his momma. Food that “worked” yesterday, tastes different today. Taking medicines, liquid or pills, is almost impossible. Tears, frustration, stress and anger have been our constant companion at the dinner table for years.
There are times I want to scream.
There are times I wonder why I even try to make dinner.
There are times I order Chinese food, and spend way too much money, because he will actually eat the noodles (well, usually) without a fuss.
Eating, and its associated sensory issues, are a constant source of stress in our lives.
Recently, I came across this verse in the Bible. When I read it, I literally laughed out loud.
“Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we loathe this worthless food.” Numbers 21:5
So, God gets this.
Your food is slop, God. This life, our circumstances – it is all slop.
At first, there was part of me that was almost giddy, realizing that the God of the universe understands what is like for me. It felt intimate and sweet.
Over the next couple days however, the deeper message became clear.
If I am completely honest, I react/think/feel/live like this way too often. If I truly believe what I believe, then all of this is God’s best plan for us. I may not perceive it, I may not understand it, I may think somehow I can escape it – but at the end of the day, I believe that He is working it together for good.
It is manna from Heaven, raining down.
I pray that I don’t miss it – the miracle and goodness in all of this. I don’t want to miss the beauty because I am stressed and tired and worst of all, afraid.
Afraid for the future, for my failures, for my sons’ weaknesses and for my own.
Fear causes me to lose sight of the joy right in front of me. Fear causes me to complain and reject.
I pray that He will give us this day, our daily bread.
I pray that I will receive it – gladly, lovingly, gratefully – with hands, stretched wide and reaching toward Heaven.
Our daily bread – it is true, amazing, deep, abiding love.
And it is raining down, all around us.