More Jesus

I am overwhelmed by the simple grace of it.

God saved me, despite me.

Below are my stories of learning what it means to be a part of His family. It’s messy sometimes, to be sure. It’s confusing and fun, frustrating and joyful. It’s human. It’s real.

And there is so much beauty.

When ChurchHurts

When Church Hurts

 

Depression, Grief and the Church(1)

Depression, Grief and the Church

 

When-Christian-Parenting-isnt

When Christian Parenting Isn’t Christian

 

Stockholm (6)

Questions I Asked As A New Christian

 

why-does-sunday-school-have-to-be

Why Does Sunday School Have To Be School?

 

Stockholm (5)

 Naming My Blog – Not The Former Things (Isaiah 43)

 

My Story

I was 29 when my dad died. He was only 48. He died suddenly, literally dropping dead at work from an aneurism.

The first thing I remember thinking when my mom called to tell me is – No. There is so much I haven’t worked out with him yet. He can’t be gone.

The day of his funeral was horrible. I was a first time mom, with a four-month old constantly crying always nursing never letting anyone hold him except me baby. My former husband did not handle the stress of it all very well and didn’t even come to the service. In fact, he left town the night before.

All I remember about the funeral is the sound of crying. My grandma’s, my baby’s, my own. It was absolutely surreal. And when it was over, I felt like I couldn’t move, like I was sinking in quicksand. When I got back to my friend’s place, I fell asleep with the baby curled up next me, all sticky and sweaty. I had no car and no idea how I was going to get home, or if I was going home.

When I woke up, He was there.

I was so disoriented that I thought it might be my dad in the room with me. After a few seconds, I knew that I knew that it was God. I can’t explain it, even now. I just suddenly knew He was with me and I was supposed to stop all the crazy, stupid, things I had been doing with my life.

Let me be perfectly clear. I wasn’t looking for this. I had been ruining my life with men, materialism, brokenness, and shame ever since I could remember. If you had asked me prior to that afternoon, I would have said God (if He even existed) didn’t want to have anything to do with a girl like me.

It took years for me to fully understand what happened that day. Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by the simple grace of it. He saved me, despite me.

I know this sudden rush of love and knowing is not part everyone’s experience. I am so grateful that it is mine, because there is never any question who owns this story – not me, not my past, not anyone in it, only Him. He has loved me, delivered me, taught me, healed me, and fathered me.

I miss my daddy all the time.

And, I am so deeply grateful that in his death, Jesus gave me life.

Shawna Wingert

 

You can have all this world,Just give me Jesus

 

6 thoughts on “More Jesus

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know. I appreciate your kind words and it is encouraging to know I have sisters who have similar circumstances out there.
      Love,
      Shawna

  1. Your story is beautiful, and a testament to the depths of God’s love for us all! I had a similar faith journey, and my own very unsettling experience with God as he dragged me kicking and screaming from my content atheistic disdain of the supernatural into belief. Please keep up your witness because you’re an inspiration!

  2. Really happy to have read your blog… still reading. WILL be visiting recommended reading on helping with sensory issues. It is such a God given blessing for me to have found you. My dear Samuel, who is 10, was officially diagnosed last year. He is my third child and I’ve been struggling most of his life to understand him. I didnt let the pediatrician put him onto two, “life long” anti psychotic drugs… but I’m going back to ask about a tiny bit of anti anxiety. Samuel isnt at school right now. We dont have schools that cater for the sensory issues of Asperger’s Syndrome. Wishing you continued blessings. Maretta, Victoria, Australia

  3. wuao wuao wuao amazed by you and your life..thank you thank you so much for sharing. I have a twins, boy and a girl, my girl is sofia she is down syndrome they are both 8th and I have a third baby, she is not a baby but i think of her as a baby, she is 4.
    Recently im learning more about sensory to help my daughter..
    Im amazed by your story and how you tell it… im convinced GOD knows how to choose, my husband and I like to say the “special edition moms” thank you again, i´ll be following you on twitter, all the best from panama central america

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