My son is sleeping right now.
Even as he sleeps, he calls for me about every hour or so.
“MommaMommaMommaMomma,” he slurs in a haze of medicine and pain.
By the time I get to him, he has usually settled and is sleeping soundly again.
Like last year, he is experiencing severe side effects from medications that are essential for his well-being.
Like last year, we have been in and out of the hospital twice and may need to head in again if we are not able to stabilize him as an outpatient.
Like last year, my heart is breaking.
On The Worst Days
Seeing your child in intense physical and psychological pain, with no real solution or time frame for healing, brings a type of terror to motherhood that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It’s a living nightmare.
I wake each morning with a crushing realization that we will need to live through another day of panic attacks, vomiting, unremitting pain, and meltdowns.
I am not sure what day it is.
On the worst days, I am acutely aware of how much loss there is, this side of heaven. The only original prayer I can utter right now is, “Please, help my baby.”
But there are several bible verses that stay with me, day and night. They float in and out of my consciousness, tucked away, ready to remind me, to encourage me and to strengthen me.
I am so grateful for these verses. They are the most practical way I know to survive what feels unsurvivable.
Support For The Special Needs Mom
I am sharing these short little verses today, as much for myself as for you. The act of gathering them and typing them onto the screen acts like a balm to my aching heart. Maybe reading them in this context will do the same for yours.
We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. (2 Chronicles 20)
And God heard the voice of the boy, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What troubles you, Hagar?Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is.” (Genesis 21)
You are the God of my salvation. On you I wait all the day long. (Psalm 25)
And Jesus said to them, “Do you believe I am able to do this?” (Matthew 9)
The Lord is just; he is my rock. (Psalm 92)
He gently leads those with young. (Isaiah 40)
I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told. (Habakkuk 1)
This God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true. (2 Samuel 22)
For He will give his angels orders concerning you, to protect you in all your ways. (Psalm 91)
Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. (Luke 6)
Look at the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. (1 Chronicles 16)
Do not fear; only believe. (Luke 8)
and of course…
Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43)