When I Mourn The Mundane: Grief, Loss and Special Needs Motherhood

When I Mourn the Mundane: Grief, Loss and Special Needs Motherhood

I saw them as I drove out of the Target parking lot. Two little boys, rolling down a grassy hill, squealing in delight as their momma waited at the bus stop nearby. Such a simple little scene... But I felt like I couldn't breathe, watching the oldest boy roll with abandon and wild joy. Tears immediately began to flow, and I actually had to...Read More

Grieving My Child’s Diagnosis

When I was in high school, I learned about Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's Five Stages of Grief (the stages we go through when we are processing a significant loss or change). It was part of an assignment for a speech I was working on in debate class. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance I still have them memorized. One of the things I remember learning about...Read More

Looking For The Good Is Sacred Work

Scary blood test results. My ten year old son in a hospital bed, crying to go home. Signing off on expensive treatments that may or may not be covered by our insurance. Staying in a hotel room, alone, the rest of my family miles away and struggling to do life without me. Last week was one of the worst in my life, to be...Read More

When Life Feels Unfamiliar

It was a matter of days, after my oldest son's first diagnosis, that the emails and Facebook links began pouring in. Welcome to Holland, by Emily Pearl Kingsley, is like required reading for a mom with a newly diagnosed child. I read it. I liked it. I identified with it. I nodded my head a few times. Then I moved on. A few years...Read More

Depression and Mothering A Child With Special Needs

It's been coming on for a while now. And with good reason. The list of diagnoses and medicines. The boys' meltdowns and anxiety attacks. The constant hypervigilance. The lack of sleep. The loss of any real personal time. And, the intense grief that my youngest is spinning out of control in a mood disorder that has taken over his mind. This time, it didn't...Read More